But the Other Does Not

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But the Other Does Not

By Gail Edgerly

 

One Yupik has a fish but the other does not.
Why?
Bad attitude?
Thievery?
Negligence?
Lack?
Did he even want the fish?

 
Why do we assume one has and one has not.
Maybe the neighbor without the fish has, and the has, has not.
Why is everything about accumulation, consumption?
Why did I assume that was what this line was about?
I am in that field of consciousness, has and has not.
Is there a difference?
So what.
Maybe the one without the fish has peace of mind, or he is satiated because
he ate his fish.
Maybe the Yupik who has the fish is saving it for someone or does not like
fish, so he is carrying it around wondering what to do with it,
ashamed that he has when others have not and he does not even want it.
What does this have to do with community?
I immediately find myself in the field of skeptisism.
Judgement.
Pissed at the assumption that life is supposed to look a certain way.
Community.
Togetherness.
Caring for each other.
Giving to the have nots.
Not having because of “others”.
Blame.
Is the difference a result of blame and oppression?
Taking away from.

Keeping from.

 

Can’t we just be and do, and whatever we choose, we deal with?
Why do people feel so obsessed with making sure everybody has enough?
So they feel better?
Maybe enough is different for all of us.
Someone may think that I don’t have much when they walk in my cabin.
I am always making excuses for my scarcity of materiality.
Dumb.
I don’t like accumulation.
I feel bad for those with accumulation.
Why should I feel bad?
It is their choice.
Why do I feel bad about anything?
Dumb.
I am what I am.
So are you.
Let me be.
Just let me be.
I need to let me be me.

 

So the guy who has a fish…
Cool.
Nice fish.
The guy (is it a guy?) who does not have a fish.
Cool.
If he needs a fish, ask for one.
If the other guy feels burdened with the load
ask if anyone wants it.
I guess that is where I am going.
Be accountable for your needs.
Stop expecting me to fucking know your needs.
I am so sick of men telling me that I am self-centered and everything is
about me.

Fuck you.
It seems that way because you don’t express what you need.
How the hell do I know what you need?
I do not want to spend my time trying to figure you out.
I would rather figure me out and fill you in.
So please fill me in about you.
I love listening to what you feel and need.
It is a total turn on.
The best foreplay.
Jesus I am pissed and definitely have an opinion here.
So what.
Why not?
I am who I am.
Self-centered.
Seeking community inside of me.
Seeking open communication and acceptance and tolerance of all parts of
me.
Let the judge speak. Let the meek speak. Let the loud and fiery one speak.
Talking stick consciousness.
No judgement.
No opinions.
No helping advise.
Just let me express, hear myself, figure me out and then I will tell you what I
need.
Community.
Community inside of me.
Where all aspects of myself have food and shelter, healthcare and clothing.
All parts of me have time enough, voice, honor.
All parts are tended to.
The child, the addict, the lover, the workaholic, the loner, the hermit, the
dancer, the wild gazelle.So if this is what I want, can I give it to you?
I want to.
I want the capacity to be present to all your parts and not react, or fix, or
judge.
Just listen and wait until you tell me what you need.
Imagine if we lived in a world where we were all responsible to express our
needs.

Somehow I think what might happen is that we become so aware of
ourselves and our needs that our awareness turns inside out and we know the
needs of all those around us.
We are so aware of ourselves that our awareness expands to encompass and
hold all. No one even needs to ask for what they need because we are all so
aware of our needs, that we know the needs of others and simply respond to
all needs. Mine, yours, Joey’s, Susie’s…
So no one ends up without.
No one has over another.
Community.
Stop trying to fix everyones else’s world.
Fix your own.
I will fix mine.
I will figure out what I need and ask.
I need to dance.
I need to express.
I need to turn inside out.

So I can see me, hear me , know me.
Then I can see you, hear you, know you.
Community.I keep thinking I am supposed to be thinking outwardly about the world I
live in outside me, around me

I can’t.
What a fucking joke.
No good.

All I want to do is midwife others to turn inside out and be there as witness.
That is connection with God.
To witness the brilliance of another.
That is communion with God.
Manifestation of brilliance.
Manifestation of authenticity.
That is God.
And when authenticity is the diet, is the mana, there is community.
True community.
No one fixing anyone else, no one assuming what another needs.
Just truth.
And then there is love.
And then all is well.
And whatever we need , comes.

Authenticity
Witness
Love
Community

That is the recipe.

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